barghers.com

Hi peeps, it’s been a while since I posted. So, I thought, in the spirit of keeping in touch with all my dear barghers, I think this post would fit very well as a ‘reappearance’ for me on this site.

CAUTION: Don’t read this in work / class!

I’ve been pretty active on Facebook lately. Prior to this, I belong to the group that don’t care shit about social networking. However, I began to discover its potential as a marketing tool. It is said that most employers would scour through Facebook to obtain initial information about their potential employees. Thus, by keeping my Facebook profile nice and tidy, I thought that it could be a decent marketing tool for me. Of course, there’s also the added advantage of keeping in touch with all of my friends, who often complain that I have a tendency to vanish from the face of Earth, only to appear months later. Anyway, I’m not here to tell you about that today.

You see, there’s an application in Facebook called Texas Hold ‘em Poker. Yes, I’ve been spending quite some time playing poker online. No money involved, only digital chips. As with all online games, you are bound to meet with many weird people. But for me, what I encountered is more of an odd experience, rather than odd people.

Now, all of you know my full name. I always place my surname in front, as customary in my culture. Facebook tend to omit my middle in Texas Hold ‘em. That leaves a very imagination-provocative name. Some day in my usual play of poker, a lady (quite pretty I must say, blond) called Lisa typed “Hey long dong” in the chatbox. So I replied “Hello”.

Lady: Wow, nice name you have there.

Me: Damn Facebook, it dropped my middle name. This is not my full name actually.

Lady: Oh really? Is your middle name ‘swinging’ then?

We exchanged jokes about my name, had a good laugh and I became friends with Lisa. After that, whenever I met her while playing poker, she would always addressed me either as long dong or long swinging dong. I never took it seriously, since it’s all just done in the spirit of good fun and gesture.

As I played more poker, I began encountering other people who are, how should I put it, ‘jealous’ of my name. There was a conversation with one (apparently white) guy that went:

Guy: Hey little dong (He said this because he lost quite a lot in the last hand to me)

Me: Hey, can’t you read that my name is actually long dong?

Me: Lol

Guy: Dream on! Tiny little dong.

Me: Hmmm, how do you know I’m little dong?

Guy: Because you’re Chinese

Me: So?

Guy: That means that you have a little dong

Me: Wow, do we have a racist here?

Guy: It’s not racist, it’s a fact.

The conversation went on a bit until I got fed up of his flame and left the table. Then, there is this other time when Lisa came into the table I’m playing and the following conversation transpired:

Lisa: Hey long dong [Greeting me]

Me: Hey Lisa….

Unknown Guy: What?

Lisa: Did you know that his name is long swinging dong?

Unknown Guy: He wishes….

Now, I’m sure you know where I am going with this. Seriously, I didn’t know that Penis Envy was such a cronic ‘disease’ amongst men until now. I have read about it, but didn’t know how grave the situation is. It seems that everyone who has a penis wants theirs to be a metre long, or seeks approval from others regarding their penis’ length. This never crossed my mind at all when Lisa called me ‘long swinging dong’. I just played along with her jokes, as it was just….. fun. No more, no less. But then I realise that men (some at least) are actually so conscious about the length / size of their penis. They are so taken up with the concept that longer penis means better satisfaction for their partner.

I really find their penis-inferiority complex rather amusing. No wonder those penis enhancing products are selling like hot cakes. This also explains the fact why more than half of the spam in your mailbox are actually about penis-enhancing products. Hmmm, may be I would go into this business of selling penis size enhancing products. Looks rather promising in the near future.

Anyway, I did read up a bit on this issue actually. To all the guys out there with a penis envy, it is not so much of the length that counts, dickhead. It’s actually the girth (width) that matters more. More important than that is how you use your dong. Surveys has been conducted on these stuff, and if you don’t believe me, take your time to dig through the Internet. I’ve read about it some time ago, and I don’t feel like relooking into them just to post links here. And for God’s sake, why the heck do you care about what others say about your penis??? It is yours! The only person’s comments you should even consider is of your sex partner’s. If she is not complaining, why the hell on Earth are you so eager to prove your dick’s superiority over others?

I don’t know about the rest of you people out there, but personally, I really don’t care if people tell me that my dong is long, short, small, spineless or whatsover adjectives you can come up to describe my dick. I do find this entire penis envy business rather fascinating, if not sad. I do feel pity for those who are so preoccupied with their little brother. It is as if their entire world revolves around the size of their dong. Lol……

Oh, and to all of my female barghers, please do yourself and your (present or future) fiance / husband / boyfriend by telling them that their dong is huge/ long enough. It might save them from all the sleepless nights worrying about their sexual prowess.

Given so many odd and pityful comments that I get, I am thinking of changing the order of my name in Facebook. It might actually solve the problem of me seeing all of the ridiculous comments made by those insecures.

Moral of the day: Don’t check your dong every other minute.

Have a nice day.