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i can still remember vividly how i was thinking, “gawdamnit, its 2009 already!”
and look where we are now,
3 days into the second half of 2009.
i’m still amazed at how fast time rolls.
especially when its going downhill.
wait.
thats a little hard to describe~
the good times are akin to going uphill, right?
but technically, a climb uphill is slow and painstaking,
and going downhill is always fast and disarming but easy.
so how’s that right?
maybe we should turn it around.
oh well.
just some silly thoughts.

anyways, 6 months wasted.
even though i know there should never be regrets but i somehow do.
okay, maybe not regrets.
more like disappointment,
with myself.
i let myself slack.
i let things get out of hand.
a lot of the times i feel like i’ve lost myself.
there is no drive.
i admit, i sometimes think, “heck, whats the point?! nobody gives a shit. its not like i give two hoots about what anybody thinks. so what if you think i’m shit. who are you to say that anyways.”

this needs to change.
even as i’m writing this, i feel like i’m dragging my heart to move along when my body is on the 16th floor and my heart is on ground floor with only skin joining it to me.
4 days ago i thought, “okay, its time to be positive.”
now, i feel like i’m being eaten alive by the Lamia.
-.-”

no.
no!
it HAS TO CHANGE

and there will be change!

starting today i shall change.

1. quit swearing. once i do that, i will, no matter how unwillingly, learn new words to better describe my feelings. come to think of it, words like ‘fuck’ does not describe anything but ignorance.

2. be positive. i will, no matter how hard this is going to be, drag myself up and out from all these negativity. being rational and realistic does not necessarily mean needing to be sceptical, cynical and doubtful.
(its not from the secret, and its not even a secret. its common sense and will power. the secret is only a guide for those who did not previously realise the power of the mind. same goes to religion)

3. be focused. i have to start training my mind to focus. i will need to step out of all negativity to be able to achieve this)

4. believe in and stand up for myself. i’ve never thought i’m beautiful. i’ve never thought i’m smart. i’ve never thought i was good enough and i am NOT good enough. which is why i need to start believing in myself and start better-ing myself. no one can change the world if you do not change yourself (thanks Gandhi!). standing up equates to being firmly me. to hell with the world and what they think.

5. remember. no matter how much we may gripe about our problems and all the  sewers that are exploding in our faces, there are a million other people who are facing much bigger problems, much bigger fears, much bigger worries as compared to what we think we are going through. as i always say, ‘there is more to life than whatever thats in front of us.’ as incomprehensible as it is, its a fact.

6. stop frowning. not only is it giving me unnecessary wrinkles, it does no other good unless looking like a worry-wart-i’ve-got-the-milky-way-in-my-head-and-i’m-coordinating-its-every-movement kinda look is deemed as cool, friendly and pleasant. besides, i know i look terrible when i dont smile. i saw myself on tv okay~ haha.. (peter’s gonna be so proud)

six points for the next six months.
i’m not even going to go through my resolutions.
if the above six is unachievable, there isnt even a point reminiscing.

six for two.