barghers.com

Hey barghers,

It’s me again. Following my post of revelation of what men REALLY craved for (longer dick), I think it is time for me to make the so called ‘flip-side’ post. Today, I’m going to reveal what women REALLY want in life. Well, as you all know, there are two ways about this: the short way or the long dong way. I could, just tell you right off that women want bigger boobs a rich husband, lots of money, 5Cs (Car, Cash, Credit Card, Condominium and Country Club), …….. the list goes on. We do know that women are greedy, aren’t they? But that wouldn’t be fun, would it?

Therefore, I would hereby present you a true story that happened centuries ago, an ancient wisdom, passed down only to the wisest of men. I could, keep this invaluable knowledge to myself, but due to my overflowing love for my lovely barghers, I decided to share this profound yet subtle wisdom with all of you. Be prepared to be enlightened:

This is very interesting………(to women)    pls take time to ponder………(to men) enjoy the story .

Young King Arthur was ambushed and imprisoned by the monarch of a neighboring kingdom.. The monarch could have killed him but was moved by Arthur’s youth and ideals. So, the monarch offered him his freedom, as long as he could answer a very difficult question. Arthur would have a year to figure out the answer and, If after a year, he still had no answer, he would be put to death. The question was: What do women really want?

Such a question would perplex even the most knowledgeable man, And to young Arthur, it seemed an impossible query. But, since it was better than death, He accepted the monarch’s proposition to have an answer by year’s end.

He returned to his kingdom and began to poll everyone: The princess, the priests, the wise men, and even the court jester. He spoke with everyone, but no one could give him a satisfactory answer. Many people advised him to consult the old witch, For only she would have the answer. But the price would be high as the witch was famous through out the kingdom for the exorbitant prices she charged.

The last day of the year arrived and Arthur had no choice but to talk to the witch. She agreed to answer the question, but he would have to agree to her price first.
The old witch wanted to marry Sir Lancelot, The most noble of the Knights of the Round Table, And Arthur’s closest friend! Young Arthur was horrified. She was hunch-backed and hideous, had only one tooth, Smelled like sewage, made obscene noises, etc.

He had never encountered such a repugnant creature in all his life.. He refused to force his friend to marry her and endure such a terrible burden,
But Lancelot, having learnt of the proposal, spoke with Arthur. He said nothing was too big of a sacrifice compared to Arthur’s life. And the reservation of the Round Table. Hence, a wedding was proclaimed and the witch answered. Arthur’s question thus: ‘What a woman really wants?’
She said, ‘Is to be in charge of her own life.’

Everyone in the kingdom instantly knew that the witch had uttered a great truth.
And that Arthur’s life would be spared.
And so it was.
The neighboring monarch granted Arthur his freedom.
And Lancelot and the witch had a wonderful wedding.
The honeymoon hour approached and, Lancelot, steeling himself for a horrific experience, entered the bedroom.
But, what a sight awaited him.
The most beautiful woman he had ever seen lay before him on the bed.
The astounded Lancelot asked what had happened.
The beauty replied that since he had been so kind to her when she appeared as a witch, She would henceforth be her horrible and deformed self only half the time. And the beautiful maiden the other half.
‘Which would you prefer? She asked him.
‘Beautiful during the day …. or at night?’
Lancelot pondered the predicament.
During the day he could have a beautiful woman to show off to his friends,
But at night, in the privacy of his castle, an old witch!
Or,
Would he prefer having a hideous witch during the day?
But by night a beautiful woman for him to enjoy wondrous, intimate moments with?

(If you are a man reading this…) What would YOUR choice be?
(If you are a woman reading this) What would YOUR MAN’S choice be?
What Lancelot chose, is given below:
BUT… make YOUR choice before you scroll down below… OKAY?

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M
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Noble Lancelot, knowing the answer the witch gave Arthur to his question,
He said that he would allow HER to make the choice herself.
Upon hearing this, she announced that she would be beautiful all the time..
Because, he had respected her enough to let her be in charge of her own
life.
Now… what is the moral to this story?

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The moral is…
1) There is witch in every woman no matter how beautiful she is !
2) If you don’t let a woman have her own way, things are going to get ugly.

So, always remember:
IT’S EITHER ‘HER WAY‘ OR IT’S ‘NO WAY‘ !!!

My dear barghers, you are henceforth enlightened. Use this wisdom wisely.

Yours truly,

Long Dong

I received this from a teacher of mine some time ago. It certainly was a good laugh for me, and I hope that it will have the same effect on you.

1. Teaching Maths In 1970
A logger sells a lorry load of timber for £1000.
His cost of production is 4/5 of the selling price.
What is his profit?

2. Teaching Maths In 1980
A logger sells a lorry load of timber for £1000.
His cost of production is 4/5 of the selling price, or £800.
What is his profit?

3. Teaching Maths In 1990
A logger sells a lorry load of timber for £1000.
His cost of production is £800.
Did he make a profit?

4. Teaching Maths In 2000
A logger sells a lorry load of timber for £1000.
His cost of production is £800 and his profit is £200.
Your assignment: Underline the number 200.

5. Teaching Maths In 2008
A logger cuts down a beautiful forest because he is totally selfish and
inconsiderate and cares nothing for the habitat of animals or the
preservation of our woodlands.
He does this so he can make a profit of £200. What do you think of this way
of making a living?
Topic for class participation after answering the question: How did the
birds and squirrels feel as the logger cut down their homes? (There are no
wrong answers.
If you are upset about the plight of the animals in question counselling
will be available)

A testimony of our ever improving education system.

Hi peeps, it’s been a while since I posted. So, I thought, in the spirit of keeping in touch with all my dear barghers, I think this post would fit very well as a ‘reappearance’ for me on this site.

CAUTION: Don’t read this in work / class!

I’ve been pretty active on Facebook lately. Prior to this, I belong to the group that don’t care shit about social networking. However, I began to discover its potential as a marketing tool. It is said that most employers would scour through Facebook to obtain initial information about their potential employees. Thus, by keeping my Facebook profile nice and tidy, I thought that it could be a decent marketing tool for me. Of course, there’s also the added advantage of keeping in touch with all of my friends, who often complain that I have a tendency to vanish from the face of Earth, only to appear months later. Anyway, I’m not here to tell you about that today.

You see, there’s an application in Facebook called Texas Hold ‘em Poker. Yes, I’ve been spending quite some time playing poker online. No money involved, only digital chips. As with all online games, you are bound to meet with many weird people. But for me, what I encountered is more of an odd experience, rather than odd people.

Now, all of you know my full name. I always place my surname in front, as customary in my culture. Facebook tend to omit my middle in Texas Hold ‘em. That leaves a very imagination-provocative name. Some day in my usual play of poker, a lady (quite pretty I must say, blond) called Lisa typed “Hey long dong” in the chatbox. So I replied “Hello”.

Lady: Wow, nice name you have there.

Me: Damn Facebook, it dropped my middle name. This is not my full name actually.

Lady: Oh really? Is your middle name ‘swinging’ then?

We exchanged jokes about my name, had a good laugh and I became friends with Lisa. After that, whenever I met her while playing poker, she would always addressed me either as long dong or long swinging dong. I never took it seriously, since it’s all just done in the spirit of good fun and gesture.

As I played more poker, I began encountering other people who are, how should I put it, ‘jealous’ of my name. There was a conversation with one (apparently white) guy that went:

Guy: Hey little dong (He said this because he lost quite a lot in the last hand to me)

Me: Hey, can’t you read that my name is actually long dong?

Me: Lol

Guy: Dream on! Tiny little dong.

Me: Hmmm, how do you know I’m little dong?

Guy: Because you’re Chinese

Me: So?

Guy: That means that you have a little dong

Me: Wow, do we have a racist here?

Guy: It’s not racist, it’s a fact.

The conversation went on a bit until I got fed up of his flame and left the table. Then, there is this other time when Lisa came into the table I’m playing and the following conversation transpired:

Lisa: Hey long dong [Greeting me]

Me: Hey Lisa….

Unknown Guy: What?

Lisa: Did you know that his name is long swinging dong?

Unknown Guy: He wishes….

Now, I’m sure you know where I am going with this. Seriously, I didn’t know that Penis Envy was such a cronic ‘disease’ amongst men until now. I have read about it, but didn’t know how grave the situation is. It seems that everyone who has a penis wants theirs to be a metre long, or seeks approval from others regarding their penis’ length. This never crossed my mind at all when Lisa called me ‘long swinging dong’. I just played along with her jokes, as it was just….. fun. No more, no less. But then I realise that men (some at least) are actually so conscious about the length / size of their penis. They are so taken up with the concept that longer penis means better satisfaction for their partner.

I really find their penis-inferiority complex rather amusing. No wonder those penis enhancing products are selling like hot cakes. This also explains the fact why more than half of the spam in your mailbox are actually about penis-enhancing products. Hmmm, may be I would go into this business of selling penis size enhancing products. Looks rather promising in the near future.

Anyway, I did read up a bit on this issue actually. To all the guys out there with a penis envy, it is not so much of the length that counts, dickhead. It’s actually the girth (width) that matters more. More important than that is how you use your dong. Surveys has been conducted on these stuff, and if you don’t believe me, take your time to dig through the Internet. I’ve read about it some time ago, and I don’t feel like relooking into them just to post links here. And for God’s sake, why the heck do you care about what others say about your penis??? It is yours! The only person’s comments you should even consider is of your sex partner’s. If she is not complaining, why the hell on Earth are you so eager to prove your dick’s superiority over others?

I don’t know about the rest of you people out there, but personally, I really don’t care if people tell me that my dong is long, short, small, spineless or whatsover adjectives you can come up to describe my dick. I do find this entire penis envy business rather fascinating, if not sad. I do feel pity for those who are so preoccupied with their little brother. It is as if their entire world revolves around the size of their dong. Lol……

Oh, and to all of my female barghers, please do yourself and your (present or future) fiance / husband / boyfriend by telling them that their dong is huge/ long enough. It might save them from all the sleepless nights worrying about their sexual prowess.

Given so many odd and pityful comments that I get, I am thinking of changing the order of my name in Facebook. It might actually solve the problem of me seeing all of the ridiculous comments made by those insecures.

Moral of the day: Don’t check your dong every other minute.

Have a nice day.

Got this from a friend of mine today, thought of sharing it with all of you.

Dear Husband,

P.S. Don’t try to find me. Your BROTHER and I are moving away to Spain together! Have a great life!

*******************************************************************************************************

Dear EX-wife,

Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter.

It’s true that you and I have been married for seven years, although a good woman is a far cry from what you’ve been. I watch my shows so much because they drown out your constant whining and griping. Too bad that doesn’t work.

I DID notice when you got a hair cut last week, but the first thing that came to mind was ‘You look just like a boy’! Since my mother raised me not to say anything if you can’t say something nice, didn’t comment.

And when you cooked my favorite meal, you must have gotten me confused with my brother, because I stopped eating meat seven years ago.

About those new silk panties: I turned away from you because the £49.99 price tag was still on them, and I prayed that it was a coincidence that my brother had just borrowed fifty quid from me that morning.

After all of this, I still loved you and felt that we could work it out. So when I hit the lottery for ten million pounds, I quit my job and bought us two tickets to Jamaica .

But when I got home you were gone.

Everything happens for a reason, I guess.

I hope you have the fulfilling life you always wanted. My lawyer said that the letter you wrote ensures you won’t get a penny from me. So take care.

Signed,
Your EX-husband, Rich As Hell and Free!

P.S.    I don’t know if I ever told you this, but my brother Carl was born Caroline. I hope that’s not a problem

Just a brief update and sharing. Watched Hellboy 2: The Golden Army last week and Mummy 3: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor just now in cinema.

For Hellboy 2, I think it’s a decent movie, with its special effects better than the first. It offers a simple plot, and it’s more of a action-fantasy movie that is catered for families. I’d say that if you wanna have a light movie, just go watch it. Nothing deep about it, but it’s OK to spend your money to go to the cinema, in my humble opinion.

As for Mummy 3, DON’T watch it. It’s not worth your money. Like Hellboy 2, it offers a simple plot. However, what Hellboy got it right, Mummy 3 screws up big time. The movie feels messy, and everything is tied up loosely. Perhaps I’m a bit critical about this movie, since I know quite a bit about Chinese culture, but this movie just don’t cut it. Everything in the movie runs in a very very cliche way, you can literally tell what is going to happen next every moment. Things are also too cheesy, and I think the actors in it treat the movie more like a vacation than casting. To sum it up, I really DON’T recommend watching this movie. The only saving grace for this movie is its special effects. Unless if all you want to see is Jet Li, Brendan Fraser, Maria Bello or our dear Malaysian Michelle Yeoh in action.