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11.45pm

I lay down on my bed, hugging zhumao & bucuk tightly. Thinking about the things that I was supposed to do over the weekend but I didn’t. Disappointed with myself.

The week passed to fast to breathe in.

I called him and he was busy. We talked a while but I didn’t mention what was really on my mind.

So we hung up and I hugged them lagi tight. Last week at this time… what I was doing?

Hanging out/supper with the part-timers after work at  Gurney Drive. Had this MUST EAT rojak which Soo Ai recommended. i had it ever since i first tasted it

12.05am

Tears started rolling.

I’ve been so patient for the whole day not disturbing his guys day out. And now it’s after midnight still not enough to lepak?

Not that I wana stop him from going out but… at this time when I need him the most. I just wish that he would make me feel wanted.

Not just call to update me about his whereabouts. Not just saying ‘I love you. Muacks’ at the end of every phone call just cos it’s a thing we always say.

I just want to hear you say you love me and really mean it.

By that time I started to send him some really nasty text cos I was angry that he wasn’t with me when I needed him the most.

No point changing to digi.

Fuck off.

I will be gone. Ja.

And then I switched off my handphone.

I really tak tahan why I need to suffer, miss him like hell. What am I doing with my life?? I’m freakin’ 24 this year. I am supposed to have the time of my life. Chasing my dreams.  Do the wildest craziest thing. But over the weekend, I just stayed at home and locked myself in the room.

I didn’t feel like meeting anyone. I didn’t feel like talking to anybody.

I onlined/blogged/FB/read/eat = chocolate/biscuits yepp, that’s practically what i ate on saturday

That’s why in my previous blog I wrote that my condition right now is WAYYY worst that UMS. At least back in UMS, I was eating proper food.

12.15am

He called. We argued/cry/he brainwashed me/i cried even more

for that 45 minutes, he was practically brainwashing persuading me. To move to Penang and live together.

I hesitated. Cos I am not ready to move in with him. I worried if it might damage than do good to our relationship.

Okay okay… I really do want to be with him. But I just can’t… i just can’t…

If I were to move to Penang,  I basically am giving up my career. My future. I’ve never done anything like that. Especially for a boy.

What makes you think that you won’t get a good job in Penang? You have Intact Group. Nuffnang.

Yeah, but how fucking sure are you that I’ll get a job in either of this company?

Then he said, let’s work in Singapore by end this year.

That time lagi I pening kepala. I’m not sure if I can get a job in Penang now you’re asking me to find a job in Singapore??

The conversation ended with a lot of sighing. A lot of ‘I need time to think it through‘ and a lot of ‘I need to sleep. Working tomorrow.’

6.15am

Woke up WAYYY earlier than the time I set. Bersemangat cos I made up my mind. I realised this year I didn’t make any new year resolution and now am making one.

Finally, I’m ready to take charge of my life.

7.05pm

I told you. Every time after work, I feel like I should stay in KL. My job opens up so many learning opportunity which I’m yearning of. Can’t just throw it all out of the window just for a boy.

I just woke up. Hearing the cheers from Stadium Merdeka reminds me of how the boys cheered during  football match in ACS.

This weekend was mostly spent melayan my emo. Everytime I wake up, I’d think… Last week at this time… I miss him. I really do miss him. And every time I’m like this, I have the thoughts of going back to Sitiawan or transferring to Penang.

Just say, if I go back to Sitiawan. I work there, spend less and be happier. Cos I’m always homesick and I miss Matthew so much. He’s growing so fast that I wish I had the chance of watching him grow. Then again, I could foresee. If I were in Sitiawan, I would say that the life there is boring, my job wouldn’t be as challenging as my job in KL, wana be adventurous la bla bla *sigh

But if I get a job in Penang, first thought would be yay, got boyfriend to teman me all the time. Won’t be lonely at all and, and… I couldn’t think of anything jor zzz. But then right, in the first place, one of the many reasons I didn’t find a job in Penang is because I wana test our relationship. See if it is strong enough to withstand the distance. And another reason is I want baby to have his own life. Like he can do whatever he wants, go out with his friends etc. Well, that applies on me as well la.

Sigh, sometimes I also don’t know what I want. Wana be independent also me, wana bermanja also me-_-

Anyway, all this has nothing to do with my relationship with my job. It’s fun at times, challenging at times and paling best is it’s very de social media oriented *woots

Aarghhh, it’s raining now and I’m so de emo-ing again.

Psst. Sometimes I can’t wait to go back to work cos I don’t want to ber-emo anymore. So depressing la talking to myself. Listening to my conscious fighting amongst themselves. And eat sucky food cos I wana save money. Sigh, my condition now is WAYYYY worst than my life in UMS. Although that time I was away from home, still I got him to bitch about my day and friends to gila with and freaking go to the beach whenever we want!. But now, everybody is all so busy.

One of my favourite place in campus. The library. Got aircond and that’s me wearing my pajamas. Don’t know what I was doing. Probably reading somebody’s blog. So intense one my reaction.

Tata.

Hola!

I just came back from Penang last week and it was my second trip in two months. So I’ll squeeze in 2 Penang trips post into 1:)

In Jan, went down to celebrate baby’s birthday and early Valentine’s Day. Well, actually, everytime we meet, it feels like Valentine’s Day. Cos we meet like once a month and that one time means a lot. Precious, precious moment.

Baby brought me to this Taiwanese restaurant for lunch one day.

We ordered Mini Steamboat.

Tomyam Mini steamboat

Psst. The red blurry thing on the bottom left is pork slice. Yums!

Baby’s favourite. Forgot what it is called -_-”

The best thing about visiting baby in Penang is.

Can take picture while on motorbike how i wish it was a vespa

Transformer.

Starting to take pictures that scream AH HANNNNNNNN!

It wasn’t easy taking picture on a motorbike. One needs to be very alert and can quickly think of what story to tell by taking a particular picture.

This was taken before the man turned into a junction.

Komtar.

In another trip.

Baby attempts to be artsy fartsy.

Sipping on green tea ice blended while reading an old issue of National Geographic *geek mode on

G Hotel

A quick lunch at Pastamania before Valentine’s Day. Couldn’t decide which is the best photo of the pasta so you be the judge.

#1

#2

#3

From the earlier food pics, I think you can more or less know which one is taken by me.

After movie, go take pics again.

Okay this is cheat one. We were still when I took this. That’s why so symmetry.

Sigh if only I got wide angle lens.

Even go vertical also cannot save Mayfair building.

Baby pai de.

Hello uncle.

Gotcha mister.

Hello mister. Again.

He managed to cycle in front of us cos he didn’t stop at the traffic light hence overtook us.

And then we lunch at Kochabi. The same Taiwanese restaurant we came during my last trip.

If only you had showed me your body.

His colleagues recommended this beef noodle. It’s a MUST TRY when you are here.

Well, looks can be deceiving. After I tried it, sad to say but it tasted like the RM5 instant beef noodle Elias bought last time at 7 Eleven in Taiwan zzz.

When we were here, the second time, all the food price increase by RM1. Probably because of CNY week. Ice water also increase 20 cents making it RM1.20. Freaking ice water per glass.

Alien invasion.

Very skinny fireworks on the 2nd day of My FM event at Esplanade.

Lastly, RM7 rojak at Gurney Drive for supper.

This week is NOT very smooth sailing.
In fact, many ppl seem to go out of their way just to make me feel annoyed.
Recent pet peeves:

1. ...... i shall not say this yet, because my very accurate prediction has not come to pass. 
2. asking me things you would have known, if you hadn't suka-suka skip class! 
3. idiotic questions like asking me where to take tourist to eat when it's not your first time bringing ppl around sitiawan to eat (...even worse, when you've already blogged about the special food in sitiawan!)... 
4. driving and destination under the bloody hot sun! Words to the wise, location and common sense!
5. asking me where to eat and when i ask, you said you're fine with anything and anywhere..BUT when i suggested something you gave me that look and said, " ...there ar??..." then when i asked you again, you replied,"I anywhere also can wan.." *my palm is just itching to slap your face!!!*
6. not pulling your weight, not punctual and worse, don't even remotely feel guilty!!!
7. dodgy hints and the display of some most uncomfortable "actions"
8. ATTENTION-seeking whores! 

and YES, so what if I am pissed at you!!!
I have the right to be angry, but then again YOU have the right to act wisely!!!
having said that!
FRI-SUN is DASAR TUTUP PINTU DAY!
just don't show up in front of me, when i don't show up in front of you.. or i'll BITE your head off!
NO i don't want SMS-es! NO i don't want calls and NO I DON'T WANT FOOD!
just get out of my face.

when i am happy and nice
and have no more tendency to bite ppl's heads off..
I'll see you on Monday.

if you HAVE to reach me.. just FB me! bye~~~~~~~~~

something something about kissing a guy, sitting at the steps, fat policemen and i can't see the ghost but i know it's hanging frm the ceiling and a pool of dried blood near the table...